When Control Disguises Itself as Love: Understanding a Narcissist’s True Motives

In the emotional chaos of separation, custody disputes, or co-parenting dynamics, it’s easy to assume that every battle is ultimately about the children. After all, children are often placed at the center of conflict—mentioned, defended, or weaponized as the supposed reason for the struggle.

But the quote says it best:

“A narcissist fights for control, not children.”

This isn’t about parenting.
This isn’t about love.
This is about power.

⭐ Narcissists View Relationships as Games, Not Connections

Just like a strategic chessboard, a narcissist sees people as pieces to move, manipulate, and sacrifice when necessary. The goal isn’t harmony or partnership—it's winning.

In a healthy relationship, decisions revolve around what's best for the children emotionally and developmentally. But to a narcissist, the custody battle becomes an arena to maintain superiority and dominance.

They don’t need to parent to feel fulfilled—they need to control.

⭐ Children Become Tools of Influence

A narcissist may:

Demand custody not to nurture, but to punish their ex
Use visitation as leverage to dictate communication
Create conflict to remain the center of attention
Twist narratives so they appear as the “better” parent

It’s not about bedtime stories, school projects, or emotional nurturing.
It’s about using children as chess pieces in a larger power strategy.

⭐ The Hidden Toll on Mothers

Women navigating co-parenting with a narcissistic partner often find themselves emotionally exhausted—not from parenting, but from constant psychological warfare:

Gaslighting
False accusations
Legal intimidation
Character attacks
Manipulation through the children

And the worst part? Narcissists are often charismatic and convincing, making the mother seem like the emotional one while they appear calm and rational.

But you know the truth behind closed doors.